July 10, 10:09 pm
Welcome, Welcome back Kushal😂. Finally back to writing, woahhhhhh🎉🎉🎉🎉
A few days back I wrote something but IDK why the page refreshed itself, though it said that it was saving everything but it wasn’t. After reload, I was seeing a blank page😭. Omg, I almost felt like throwing the laptop, ofc I didn’t, I can’t, I shouldn’t. It was about Papa (my father), but now I feel glad that it happened otherwise today I would have deleted it myself. Like always we had kind of a fight today. Now the thing is I want to talk to him about something which includes money and I can’t. Not talking to him for now, he forgets things so fast, or rather ignores whatever happened so quickly. This is weird I’m mad at him but I still want his help, I can ask Mumma too but she isn’t sure about my design thing, still. Obviously, she is gonna sent me back to papa. We kids are so selfish, ahh I remember one thing from one of my Hindi teachers from 10th class. His name was Ram sir, he used to say “Bache kisi ke nahi hote” and I would like to shamelessly add something “Bache kisi ke nahi hote, voh sirf khudke hote hain, har koi sirf bache nahi”. Though I don’t know if my addition holds true or not, ofc I haven’t experienced adulthood and whatever happens post that. It makes total sense to me, at least I agree with it. There are some teachers in whose class you sit comfortably, tension-free, without any stress, you become excited, you look forward to their presence and it makes you sad when they’re on leave. He was kind of like that, I don’t think there was any teacher who taught the language in a way he did, he used to make the whole class a cinema hall. He would perform like the characters and everything, will change his voice to adapt to the characters, and do everything to make it so simple that everyone understands. Sometimes he would rant in front of us, that dialogue came from one of those. But I used to love everything about him, he also sometimes used to be in the same bus, we loved that. Not because he cannot afford other transportations but he was free of judgments which would stop someone to do that. I would be lying if I would say I can do that, I can’t. If I would go now IDK if he will recognize me or not, he taught us I think only for some months. But he would definitely recognize Abhishek, he used to call him “724”😂, in Hindi “Saatso chobis”. That’s the bus we used to take mostly and he has noticed us inside many times. Ahh I miss the classrooms now😥, that continuous pressure for completed notebooks, excitement to see your friends every day, running to get that bench first, trying to escape assembly, scary teachers, dirty uniform by the end of the day, so many things that school tries to attach to us, but almost every student tries to get rid of. Yet in retrospect, we all love all of it. Okay, this is something I’m doing the first time, I want you to comment anything about your school or in general about the time while you were in school (it is optional). I went to 3 schools so it will take me time to gather up everything😂. I think the flush of infinite thoughts is gonna make it difficult, okay comment your favourite memory from 1-5th class. I’ll post mine too.
Why I wasn’t writing?
I guess I have been living in very low energy for the past few months. I get tired so fast, by spending 10-20 mins on something. Also, I wasn’t reading anything so just didn’t felt like writing. But since it was my birthday so Mumma was like "acha lelo jo kitabein leni hain”, I couldn’t control myself yet I did. I wanted the entire cart, but I knew it would overwhelm me and fir mei kuch nahi padhunga. So I ordered the ones which I wanted to read immediately and which would fit the vibe of now for me.
The Archer, Paulo Coelho
Amazing book, it’s a very short read. Like you can read in a day or two. But the writing is so overwhelming and deep that it tries to control your speed and to slow you down. Will force you to think more and more about everything that the author is talking about. It’s about a pro archer who’s teaching a boy, but in the conversation, he unfolds whatever he has learned till now and presents it with learning from archery. He tries to first make him a better person in general, which I absolutely loved. I want to read books like this again and again, but sometimes it seems so unreal. I want to read a variety of books but then also sometimes you read a book and you want to read it again to really stick the things in your head. That’s why I want to do something which frees me from a lot of unnecessary things which I don’t enjoy. So that a major part of my living is spent on reading and then die freely. Let’s see how this changes as I grow old.
Do not allow yourself to be carried away by how you shoot in the morning, whether well or badly. There are many more days ahead, and each arrow is a life in itself.
The Prophet, Kahlil Gibran
I was a bit skeptical when I was adding this book, I was wishing it to not be too religious. I don’t think it is, though the metaphors can be interpreted in that way too. Kahlil, is one of the most-read writers after Shakespeare and Lao Tzu. This book comes from the early 1900s (1937, okay mid-1900s). I mean you can think of the writing as timeless. I consider this as a book for everyone, Kahlil has written essays that everyone knows about, thinks about, is confused about. It took him around 10 years to create this level of thing.
I just realized a considerable chunk of urfwoof is about books😂. Anyway now I’m reading The collaborator by Mirza Waheed. It’s gonna take me time now to describe how I will feel about the book and why it relates to me, why it is so attractive, why when I read I can imagine myself there.
Okay let me give you some context about the book, it’s about a boy who’s living in-between a war like situation, the villages are being evacuated, most importantly his childhood friends have gone on the other side without telling him anything (why do we have sides in this one world😂😥). His daily work requires him to go down and collect stuff from the dead bodies, something that can reveal their identity or about who is sending them. He is scared that someday he might see his friends or someone from the village lying there. I was sold on the story when I first read it. Papa has read the story already, IDK how and when. When the book arrived he immediately started reading the blurb and was like, I know the story beta. The best thing about Mirza’s writing is that he has written things that never cross beyond being a feeling or just a thought. You have to read it to feel the emptiness the boy experiences while he roams around the village which someday used to be filled with his knowns. You know he is craving for that one last time experience with his friends, to just live that time when the situation was good. So why do I relate to this so much? I wouldn’t say relate but I do feel so much for the boy, I have had these times where things changed so quickly that I just didn’t get time to adjust. Think of yourself with your family in a different country from tomorrow. No contact with people you already know, no old friends, nothing. It sounds interesting though😂 but actually isn’t.
Papa has also lived or rather just spent a lot of time in the state. He has tons of stories from the areas. He sometimes feels like a local living with us occasionally. I feel like starting from the first time he started living away from us, the time for when he comes always gets tougher, increasing or unknown changes in the house, changes with us (like this time he came to know that his son, who never picked up a book has started reading a lot, he was shocked seeing so much book on my table and asked inhe kon padh rha hai? I was like paaaaa isn’t that obvious?). This time he is saying he won’t come back the next time😂, so much drama in this house dude. We fight a lot, like a lot. I always get confused ki kiski side lu, if I won’t take mumma’s side then she would feel so horrible because she has almost entirely individually has raised three of us and when I see that there’s no one on papa’s side also makes me empathize for him more than ever. No one takes his side during a fight because of instant changes in behavior, he looses his temper so quickly and also slows down easily. That’s why I don’t want to live too far away for a too long time, you know it makes them share less, you see a part of them that everyone else sees. Anyway, I don’t want to write the thoughts from previous one again, I couldn’t. I want to but I won’t, kabhi aur ke liye rakhte hain usse.
Papa has easily spent 10+ years in Jammu Kashmir, every time different district. But the overall vibe remains the same — he says. Whenever he comes back from the place, he has tons of stories to tell Mumma, us, and every guest that comes to meet him. I have grown up with this thing where almost every conversation with his friends would start or end with or beta papa abhi aa rakhe hain? acha kab aayenge? mummy ki tabiyat kaisi hai? challo badiya hai. I don’t know if I’m allowed to share this, but I’ll do it anyway. Papa doesn’t like works at the edge of the border which is what we’re used to seeing on the videos, holding weapons. Though he sometimes goes up their on the valleys to give classes. His work mostly revolves around home affairs, due to the work he had to study Indian law too. Why do I keep distracting from the main thing? Focusssssss Kushal, please.
Yeah so till now I have seen the place from his stories and bit of it through my very new and super cool friends from Jammu. Though we watch videos of the world, I don’t think that reflects the smell of the place, the temperature there, how people vibe there. You have to be there to feel that. He also hasn’t seen the place from his views, but from the uniform’s view. Which collectively presents a lot of views bundled up together. The book for me changes the whole thing, it is like someone has flipped the coin. It’s not like I agreed on his thoughts ever, but I always wanted someone to support how I thought about the place and the book is just that. I mean reading it will give you enough realization that what a young boy is going through. Now multiply that with millions of lives, so much painnnnnn. I’m reading it slowly, I don’t want to finish it super early.
Abhishek came on my birthday to eat Aaloo ke paranthe, though he said it in a casual way. But I also wanted to eat😂. Ahh the relation my family holds with him, it so nice. Mumma and he were talking about how they both like watching Tarak Mahta while eating food. I was like what😂, I don’t have any such things in common with her. She ranted out everything that she would have ranted out in front of someone that she hopes can make me understand things, beta iske baal dekho ek baar. Also, my friends are super cute, they sent me this nice cake and all. Which also had a message card in their, ahh acha hai voh mumma ne nahi padha.
Abhishek I was hiding this from you that time in the black diary😂. You would have started panicking about brooo who’s this girl, why haven’t you told me about her. xoxo doesn’t exists😂. Though the lines are super nice. Thankssss bidulog, I call them bidulog.
From the internet:
This short film takes us back to 1869 when Rajasthan faced an extreme shortage of water.
Onehundredhomes - I loved it, a super nice survey about where and how does India lives. I promise, give it a try you’re gonna love it and understand a tons of things.
I absolutely love David Dobrik, I know recently a lot of news came about some of his friends. Even YouTube cancelled the monetization on his channel. I guess he has removed them from the group. But I anyway watch a lot of his videos, this one is my recent favourite.
Byeeeeeeeeeee, thanks for reading🍔.