July 17, 3:06pm
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I loved this week, nothing too exciting just anyway. It doesn’t have to be that way always. Last one had too many errors. I didn’t liked it and just wanted to post something to start again. But yes from this one I’ll take care of these things, pakaaaa promise.
This one is a bit different, I wanted to talk about photos, images, moments that they had stored with pixels, colors in them, light, emotions, what happend before and after them. Yeah we call them caption now. I had this idea at the starting of the week and yesterday I heard about Danish Siddiqui. Ik these things don’t connect. We have seen his work, a lot, I’m sure you have too. It always seemed like there’s just one person behind them, or maybe multiple artists are following a single guide or have one style or want to say just one thing. They have the same vibe, no? But I never knew him, like his name, I usually just read the headline, see the image and never bothered to look at the name as who clicked it. But now it seems so important. When something bad happens or something which leads to a loss I usually become nicer about it, weird. Mirza Waheed has written about this in his book Tell her everything, that we always miss or want, what we don’t have. Also in The Catcher in the Rye, the author in the end says don’t talk to anyone about anything cause you’ll always end up missing them.
Like now I’ve developed so many emotions about him, too many questions. He seems like a person that just shouldn’t die. I don’t know him personally, I have just seen his work, is that the same thing — personality and work? I do develop what the character might be. Mostly the conversation start with reference to his work, which is very obvious as he died while holding to that part of him. Think about people you like or in general a lot of people we know is because of their work, may be you don’t know me but you’re reading this, what are you reading? Is this me or my work? His work has too much character to take me inside them and make me feel what the person would feel being present their in that moment. A lot of people talk about moments and photography, his work shows what it is. That’s why I feel so much while looking at them. Idk how much the work mattered to him. Though I want to know, what he must have felt while breathing last time, did he got the time to breathe last time or was that super quick? Did he regreted his decision to this? Idk.
One thing that I have noticed is that, you know we have become so used to writing or I would say converting thoughts or experiences into words and not say them, verbally. I speak so less now, that when I’m speaking its seems something new. I get surprised that this part of me is still working. We write on messaging apps, we write captions, we write what we want to say. That changes everything.
People from the starting felt so much about writing, considering the pressure (I’m not getting the perfect word to describe the thing) of blank page/ canvas, everyone thought before writing something. Also because by default it meant long form writing, now we write very frequently. Sentences have gotten shorter and shorter, with the expression in them. Now I write as I was supposed to speak. That doesn’t mean everything is useless in that space, even that has given born for some of the best expressers.
I write like I speak in a flow, and speaking like I’m writing super conscious about words and what I’m speaking which often leads to me not speaking at all. I don’t usually post on Instagram, it feels too much constrained in the limits. Also after some time I don’t like the pictures. If I do, I use songs from Taarre Zameen Par as captions. They fit everywhere! So in this one, I’ll write captions for some random pictures from my gallery.
🎵Sob Rock - John Mayer’s new album was released this week. Its sooooo goooodddddd. The songs have too much John Mayer in them (not my line, saw this in a YouTube comment). They are so fresh but the music takes us back in time, kind of chills us out, retrospective kind of a thing. In this interview he did with Apple music, he talks about how he wrote them, why they feel a certain way? Interesting for someone who is curious about his writing. Again he has named everything that you’ll feel while listening to them. He is too much legend or genius kind of a person.
This is me, ahh I don’t remember how old I’m here. Let me count..
Okay, I’m in 9th class here and 14 years, shyd. My name is Kushal, I’m 14 years old, lol. Papa had just come from Delhi and bought Shivani her first smartphone. She used to go for some classes and they required students to be on WhatsApp to send updates — that’s what she told at home😂. It was nice, I finally got to play games but sirf 20min ya fir kuch 3-4 chances ke liye milta tha😢. I used to play Hill climb racing, I still do. Aren’t you inspired my lazy and shy pose? Wearing my favourite green t-shirt. Papa had a smartphone, but that time papa only used to come once a year, toh kabhi kabhi khelne ko milta tha. But then we had a laptop to use the internet, usmei bhi kuch games the, but Ambika owned it, she was preparing for CA, so couldn’t play all the time their too. Password-password everywhere!
This one is also from around the same time. It was Diwali. Wearing my new red t-shirt and sandals. Initially, like when I was small I used to wear mostly sandals, idk why mumma used to bought in different colors for me, red, yellow, blue, black, etc. It must have been somewhere between 8-9 am and I was super excited to go for Diwali Mela, BSF used to organise it for its people. It was a super nice cultural kind of thing, tons of games, rides and different states of people organising food stalls. I have always lived with people from different cultures. That’s why I think I don’t like being in a particular community. If you want to listen the sound from this time, you would hear my friends calling me consistently. Mumma was like arre iski photo toh khich le, am I an object or what?😂 She always wants a photo when someone gets ready, to go somewhere. Behind me is the calendar that papa gets every year from the office, too much josh kind of vibes in the house, still. You know what has not changed from that time? My pose for a picture, I still pose like this, Saavdhan! I can also do Vishram, but on demand.
Aww! This is from 2010, I was 9 or may be 10 years old. Bhot hi chota sa tha yaar mei toh😂. It was Rakshabandhan. You can guess it from my hands, there’re more than 2 because the girls from around the block would come at home. Clicked by the photographer uncle, he was invited on every occasion to click pictures for everyone and then after sometime you will get an album for that occasion. I love that thing. Behind me, first is the garden of our neighbours (bengali aunty) and behind that is the ground that we used to play in. It was also the parade ground for new cadets, the passing out parade. We were not allowed to play when they used to practice for it, in those months every year we had to go a bit far to play in other grounds. It was rainy season that’s why its so green-green everywhere. I’m standing on the cemented division between our and bengali aunty’s garden, which also used to work like a path for everyone (4 families in a block) to go outside. I did not even smiled for this. May be I was not asked to, but he always used to say it before clicking the picture. Say cheese!
I like Dhruv Sehgal, the way he speaks, his character in shows, also he is the one who recommended Lust for life in one of his interviews. The scene is from the show Little things, yeah I’m used to seeing people making faces when I tell them. Its a good show, very slow story and I like that. Dhruv is also the writer of the show. I didn’t know this until recently. Both of them (Dhruv and Mithila) has gone to someone’s house party and he says this. But why is that — as a kid you don’t count expenses, whenever money comes you spent them on things you like and want immediately. You don’t think about recharging your phone, you think about buying the chocalate or whatever elders don’t allow. For me it used to be vickey criket ball, it used to cost 25 or 30 rupees. Best thing about it was, it used to last longer then others and it was also a brand. Yaar voh kabhi kabhi bade bhaiya didi khelne aajate the, aur itni jorr se shot marte the ki ball hi fatt jati thi. As you grow, you become aware of tons of things, you develop emotions about money, and it goes on. One thing that I'm thinking about is, though it sounds very weird but — We learn as we grow old right? but what’s the point to learn so much when the time left always reduces? But then the new generation never really relates with the older one and develops a new perspective, too much confusionnnn.
This doesn’t mean I’m stressing on not learning anything😂, chill kro yaar meri baatein itni bhi seriously mat liya kro!
On the left Tanya, in the middle Abhishek and on the right cool me. Abhishek is actually looking like a rabbit. We were waiting after the school for the bus at the bus stand in front of our school. Only Abhishek is smiling, I’m trying to but looks like I’m not in the mood at all and Tanya’s focus is more on clicking a picture. You know sometimes you just get into a picture to not feel left out but there’s not much space. I was so tired after the long day at school, this is from summer season. But Abhishek always used to wear full sleeves, same thing even now. Just those 6 hours at school felt like a day, may be because it never really stopped only their, at home you were supposed to practice what you learned or sometimes read in advance. What if it meant not doing anything related to school after coming back? I guess those are the moments we enjoy the best where it breaks the link from the continuity of school. Like playing, meeting friends, cartoons, whatever you enjoy. But then they introduced coaching, wasn’t school enough? What’s the difference? If coaching is better, let me just go their, only? One makes me understand and other authenticates me. Ahh that’s what makes me look tired, hahaha I’m just passing the time. We were just waiting for the bus!
She is my elder sister, Ambika. This is from Diwali, I did not wanted any picture but she was like plss naaaaa. I couldn’t say no. She is literally about to climb me😂, though I’m not that tall. I had just come from a 5km run, I love running or to be specific marathons. I started running after watching Bhaag Milkha Bhaag, me and Ankit (childhood friend), we used to run on the training grounds inside the camp. We were just inspired by him so much that we used to run in summer when the sun would be at its peak, like at 4pm and also by seeing ourselves not doing anything useful, neither in the school nor in the coaching. In Delhi, I’m mostly running on busy roads. Diwali doesn’t mean anything or I would say doesn’t excites me anymore, like honestly. Please don’t start lectures on hinduism and importance of festivals, please. I’m just saying it just doesn’t brings me joy as it used to be, like when we were super small. Just the excitement of wearing new clothes, Diwali mela, crackers show in the evening, mithai mela, dude so much fun haaa. Now their is literally nothing, we pray in the evening and that’s about it. I’m anyway not really liking this growing up thing, is this what I was excited about? But di gets excited for everyting, she has that energy all the time. I’m kind of on the boring/lazy side. Now she is reading Lust of life, it seems like she is enjoying it too. Sometimes she would come and say, yaar yeh Vincent kitna acha hai bechara, and I told her ki voh 38 ke baad mar jayega. It broke her! Yesteday she came and said, mujhe yeh apni story lag rhi hai. I was like bro shut up! He doesn’t have anything, not even proper food, tere kharche count krre?😂
It was our Freshers, 8 September 2018. Starting from the right — Ankit, Vanshika, Rashi, Sanha, Namisha, Siddarth, Ilakkiya, Aranya, Arshia and again, cool me. We missed the stranger with the bag, he doesn’t know he is getting clicked. Everyones foot is pointing towards a center, we are together, we know each other, we see each other. After this, everyone went home, it was me, arshia, sanha and siddarth in the canteen. We got stuck as it started raining suddenly. Siddarth started his boring stories again, Sanha got tired of his lame jokes on her. Ankit seems forced to be in the picture, awkward, shy and looking for his friends. Actually he was in different section. We had planned nice outfits for everyone, but no one followed. I think only Lavanya followed it, she is not even their in the picture. I met her at the metro station on the way back. Everyone is from different state, city — that’s one of the best thing about schools or colleges, or the only thing. I wonder how much effort it will take now to click this picture again, scheduling it according to everyone’s new schedules, ahh but that would be a lot of fun. Some of them may not even agree for it, because we no longer talk, this is the only picture that holds us together back in time. Why is Ridhi is not their?
This is pre-covid (haha covid is now helping me reference the time), I was with bhai. He wanted some clothes and I started looking for some too😂. It was also the time when I had just started wearing colored pants, like other than usual blue and black. I had seen people pose like this, so tried it too. I think it suits me. Btw you might have guessed it, its the h&m store in CP, I have clicked a lot of pictures in their changing rooms. Ahh this shirt was soo good — though it looks white but it was kind of faded white, like on the yellow side. But mumma was like no, you’re just their to help bhai, wait why are you trying them out acha bhai ko phone de…. But while we were on our way back, she called and said acha kahan pr ho? lele voh shirt, pr vapas try krke lena…. I’m very lazy, you know it. we didn’t go back. Also I kinda miss my short hair, although I never really had a nice hairstyle, there was always a curl on the right side, now they’re everywhere. Kabir (friend from school, sometimes we call him Judi) made so much fun of it, ki salle yeh kya hai….. Its hard to maintain long hair but I like them!
You might have seen this roof in some of my pictures. Its actually one of my cousins car, he is in IAF and he has this collecion of all the badges which they get after a course or flying a particular aircraft or visitng some check-post. Its optional, papa doesn’t collects them, though initially he had some. Bhai was collecting them and after purchasing, pasted all of them on the roof. The feel inside is soo good. You will see these kind of things in the family a lot, since majority of people are in forces and thats what they talk about most of the time. I would have showed him, but I don’t have a lot of his pictures and the few I have are in uniform. They look really cool with those black goggles. I think I was in 1st year when I visited him for the AirForce Day in Hindon Airforce Station. The station reminds me of Indore’s BSF campus. Di and I were waiting to go so hard that we went their a day before, chilled in their Bungalow. Okay I’m not showing off, in IAF they actually call the houses Bungalows. In BSF its quater. The entire night felt like I was sleeping inside an airport, all the time sounds of take offs and landings, it was increasing my excitement for the day after. They also had this plane which was retired and was not in a very good condition so they took it and made a bar inside it. Isn’t that super cool? Omg next day felt like a movie, we woke up around 4am, bhabhi wasn’t coming only me, di and bhaiya, ofc. She was like yaar mei bhot baar challi gyi hun. I was like how can someone get bored of these things😂. Bhaiya doens’t like clicking pictures all the time, he was like enjoy it with your eyes and not from your mobile, I’ll click pictures for you in the end. He actually said this, I’m not making it. Also they don’t let you take mobiles at the place, only officials are allowed. That was the first time when I saw so much blue first in my life, like too much but in a good sense. Dude sky their is a little biased, its so beautifull their all the time, like the entire year. No birds their only aircrafts, no seriously. In consistant intervals you will hear gun shots, so that birds don’t enter the area. Di was getting excited or was seeing them as inspiration, seeing bhaiya’s colleagues. Idk it also happens with me, when I see someone in uniform it just gets into me. Even with papa. That’s why I don’t go a lot now with papa and don’t talk a lot to his friends when they come home. They get into your head, in a nice way. Okay remind me to talk about Sharma uncle at the end. Yeah so it was soo good, I also saw Sachin Tendulkar first time their. Everyone was very normal their when he came, for me it was big deal yaar. I had never seen him that close. Believe me after it starts you will keep getting goosebumps. And when the Airshow starts I bet you, you will loose yourself. You’re going to laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll feel small, you’ll feel so proud that you belong to India and your neck will definelty hurt😂. It will get into your head, honeslty. Bhaiya said, everyone that goes from here, wants to come back but in the uniform. I remember a lot of bhaiya’s batchmate came on his engagement and I saw them. They came literally for just 1hr to dance with him😂. But I did remembered their faces and after like an year or so, I saw this news that some pilots died in a aircraft crash and when I saw their faces. Omg I had seen one of them in the engagement. It didn’t felt good yaar, I texted bhai and he said yes he was in that Aircraft. You must be thinking like why didn’t you go in these things and why you’re doing other things, lets keep that for some other time. I will definetly talk about it. But this picture is from last year, in winters when I was their for babyshower. It was nice!
Today papa went to meet one of his batchmates, he was super excited to meet him. Though the plan intially got cancelled and I could see the sadness on his face while going to sleep, mummy mazze le rhi thi ki aapka plan hamesha cancel ho jata hai. But in the morning he got a call and he quickly took shower, got ready (I caught him using my perfume, he smiled😂) and went super fast like a child going to play after a long conversation with parents trying to stop. When he came back he said, aaj toh maza hi aagya. Shivani was like you should go daily like this, you look so happy. Okay so who’s Sharma uncle?
Aditya recently passed or got promoted from 12th class and wanted a nice smartphone, I think it was for around 45-50k. He said ki Ayushi di (his sister) ko bhi toh dilaya tha. His parents (Sharma uncle and aunty) said but she is also earning beta. They said ki jab khud kamaoge tab lena itna mahanga mobile. He took it super seriously, yesterday he started to work in Zomato as a delivery partner. Dude Aditya is so good, we had met in Indore as we used to live in the same block. He used to study a lot, now he doesn’t. But Sharma uncle is even nicer, I like his views on everything. I’m not sure if you have ever met any officer, they could be from any force. He actually looks, his presence actually feels like one, anyone by just looking at him will say he is a officer. The personality, the calmness, the confidence, his posture, the way he talks, his thoughts about everything. We didn’t met after Indore, as uncle got posted somewhere else, but only last year they also came in Kidwai Nagar. Mumma saw uncle & aunty walking in the garden and was surprised. Omg I just love Sharma uncle’s presence, he’s that kind of guest whom I want everyday to visit. I love so much people that sometimes I get scared that what if they will die tomorrow? Anyway, last time when he came home, he usually doesn’t speaks much but when he does everyone listens. So he’s from Punjab, he was telling us how difficult it was for him to come and study in the city. He couldn’t understand english and everyday hindi as he was used to punjabi. Characters/ People like this in your everyday life make it all worth it. You know Papa sometimes just kills the mood, otherwise I would give him this level too😂.
By mistake in the last post’s comment I mentioned my childhood friend Gauri’s surname as Deshpande, her surname was Panchpande. Gauri Panchpande. Too much mistakes haa, acha hai koi writer nahi padhta varna they will kill me, acha haa ek di hain. But she is so nice ki voh kuch nahi bolengi😂 though aap bol sakte ho. It’s raining, I’m going in the balcony, byee!